Beautiful
by Phoenix xxxxx
Summary: "It's all my fault, I'm so sorry, beautiful, so sorry… Oh Toby, oh God" I'm crying and I don't care 'cause his grips so weak and he looks so pale...


**Disclaimer: ****These characters and the film they originate from are NOT mine. I just use them as play-things of my yaoi-fangirl imagination.**

**A.N.: ****I'm ignoring Atley and Kip being at the drop point at when Calitri rings. There might be a sequel. Please review!**

**Beautiful**

"I'm not like my brother, I don't abandon my friends." _Or Toby; never Toby… _"You need get your story straight." _Oh, of course I do._ "Why don't you straighten it out for me?" _'Cause I don't need this right now, old man! Toby got shot, okay, he got shot and I couldn't take him to a hospital! I had to watch him bleeding all over the place like a fucking horror movie, and the last thing I need is some lecture about my big brother's mistakes!_

XxTxKxX

Atley's been sat with his back to me since he told me just why Randall left all those years ago. I've tried reading the magazines which are so far out of date it's like history class and tried staring out the window and tried the counting things game, and none of it helps. The doctor, long coat and grampa glasses in place, walks 'round the corner with one of those clip-board thingies, and I'm scared shitless. He looks down at his chart, then at Atley on the other side of the waiting room, then at me. "Your friend is awake."_Thank God. _"Can I see him?"

The doc gestured the way he'd just come and I jump out my seat, not looking at Atley, just rushing after the doc as he walks into a room, and there's Toby and he's so pale and then he sees me and smiles weakly _he's so beautiful when he smiles._ I rush over and I'm right there by his side and I don't even know if I should touch him _he looks so breakable _so I just reach out and touch his cheek gently; tracing the path the tears used when they'd streamed down his face.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm _so so sorry,_ I'm sorry…" I'm crying and I don't care. I fall down into the seat next to the bed, dragging it closer and resting my forehead heavily on the pillow near his face _he's so pale_ and I'm just crying and crying and I can't stop. His hand makes its slow, steady way up to my face and fumbles weakly with the tears there.

"Don't, it's okay, it's okay…" He's whispering and he sounds exhausted and so weak and I just keep crying 'cause this is my fault, _all my fault, I'm so sorry… _My hand reaches up to his and pulls it away from my face and I just hold it _his grips so weak, oh God_ and my other hand reaches out and cups his face and it's damp from tears and I lean up and kiss them away gently _please don't cry, please... _

I hear the door open and Atley's boots on the floor, trying to be quiet and not being quiet one bit _I'm so sorry, don't cry _and I just keep kissing Toby's face, his cheeks and his eyelids and his nose and his lips_ so sorry, beautiful, so sorry_ and then Atley coughs and the moment's gone, it's ruined.

I let go of Toby's face but not his hand, sitting straighter in my chair and looking over at Atley and he's just stood there with this look on his face _we got them good, Toby, they didn't even think it for a second… _I just give him a look of my own, a 'you give him shit about this and I'll break your face' look and Atley just holds up his hands in surrender and then Toby squeezes my hand _so weakly_ and I look back at him. He gives a me little shake of his head and a look that says 'don't be an ass, Kip, play nice', so I smile at him in surrender and gesture at the other chair and Atley sits down.

"So, er, how long have…" His face is embarrassed and confused and he just gestures vaguely between me and Toby and goes a little red in the face and stumbles over the words. "Three and a half months." Just like that, I told my big brother's ex-or-maybe-not-ex-best friend that I'm gay and _I don't care what he thinks about us 'cause I love you, beautiful, and you're hurt and it's my fault._

I tighten my grip on Toby's hand and look back at his face and he looks so happy and half asleep at the same time and I smile at him and the smile says 'see, I'm not scared, I'm not ashamed' and as his eyes are fluttering closed again I lean in and whisper "I love you, beautiful." I get a little smile and a mumbled "Love you too, Kip." before his breathing is evens out, low and soft, the only sign you get that he's asleep 'cause he's so perfect he doesn't even snore or mutter or snort or some shit like that and even if he did it would just make him cuter.

"So you're…" Atley looks like he's still catching up. "It isn't that hard, Atley. I'm gay and I'm with Toby. We're involved, seeing each other, in a relationship… whatever you wanna call it, as long as you don't call something bad." Atley sits down heavily in the chair on the other side of Toby's bed. "Can I call it love?" My eyes shoot up from looking at Toby's face to staring at Atley _maybe not that slow after all_ and then I nod and that seems to be all Atley wants to know.

"He's a good kid and he seems to be making you a better kid, so I'm not the only one who'll approve of him."

XxTxKxX

When Atley told Raymond Calitri that I'd skipped town and then told me my brother was probably gonna get killed for my mistakes, I realized for the second time today just how far Randall would go to keep me safe and that he wasn't the only one who wanted to protected this family with everything we had. I planted a kiss firmly on Toby's forehead and hoped it wouldn't be the last one. Leaving a note n the dresser and walking out the door was one of the hardest things ever, but Randall needed me and I couldn't back out on him, not after what he'd been through for me.

XxTxKxX

Atley's plan sounded pretty simple; get in there, distract Calitri's lackeys and save Randall. And when I got up there, in something that looked like a oversized claw game and seeing some asshole level a gun on _my _big brother, I realized something; having to do this job for Calitri, him being such a stubborn ass that we had to boost all those cars all over again, me being a stupid ass and getting into boosting cars in the first place, where the reasons for all the shit my family was in; my mom was working who knows who many shifts at a diner, my brother had a gun pointed at his head and Toby was in hospital. And I could make it better. So I got hold of the controls and I swung the crane.

XxTxKxX

The car was Toby's idea really. We were talking as I packed his bag when he finally got discharged from the clinic, talking about what I should do to show him that I'd realized what he did.

"Dinner?"

"Too cheep."

" Money?"

"Too impersonal; buy him something useful, that he wants!"

"Like what!" Toby just smiles at my cluelessness _so beautiful_ and I have to smile back.

"How 'bout a unicorn?" He says, then laughs at the completely astounded look I give him, trying to figure out why I was supposed to by my brother an over-decorated horse.

"A unicorn named Eleanor…" He needles as I pack the last of his stuff; books and floppy disks and CD-ROMs to go with the laptop in the messenger bag slung over my shoulder.

"A car? That's … _perfect_! Toby, you're a _genius_!" He goes a little pink in the face and the blush spreads down his neck. I smirk and kneel in the middle of the bed and shuffle over to where he's sat on the other side, twisted round so he can look at me, and turn him back so he's facing the other way, pulling him gently to lean against my chest.

Placing kisses on his cheek, then further down to his jaw and then his neck, I follow the blush down to the collar of his T-shirt as my hands inch up under the hem and then down slightly to grip one of his slim little hips as the other one moved further down, rubbing _just a little_ and loving the little sound he makes as he leans back harder onto me.

"You're eager today, beautiful." I tease as I flick my tongue out and draw it up his neck, thanking god that we shut the door and didn't open the blinds since last night. "Lo-long time, Kip, d-don't stop, do-" He trails off as I untangle myself and looks confused when I start shifting him 'round to look at me, but catches on and soon he's sat facing me on my lap and I catch his lips again, biting the bottom one gently between my teeth.

I pull him loser by his hips, further away from the edge of the bed, watching is face for any sign of pain. As he grinds down against me, I see hi wince a little. "Wha?" He looks up at my face, he's lips parted and wet _so pretty_ and I look back, almost tempted to keep going, 'cause Toby's right, it's been a long time and if there's anything I can't get enough of, even more than the rush from stealing cars, it's Toby underneath me, making the most gorgeous little noises and all but begging me to do something, anything…

I close my eyes and breathe out through my nose, keeping my eyes shut when Toby leans closer, rubbing against me and letting his little gasps over my ear. "If this is gonna hurt you at all, there's no way I'm gonna do a thing, Toby, not a thing." I'm trying to be firm without opening my eyes, 'cause when I do I'll probably lose myself in the way he looks right now. He gasps into my ear, murmuring things I can't make out properly against it, then grinding down onto my erection. "Kip… pl-please, _please…" _And that's all it takes for me to lose control.

XxTxKxX

As Randall pleads with his very own Eleanor in the distance, I lean down behind Toby and hug him to my chest, being very careful of his chest. "You have the best ideas." I say gently, right up close to his ear. "I know." I stop myself from rolling my eyes at the tone, then glance around. Everyone is focused on Randall trying to restart the GT500, so I nip Toby's ear, determined to wipe that smirk off his face when no one's looking.

_**End Of Line**_

_There's a link on my profile for my blog, where my musings about fanfic-writing are posted. Check it out, love, Phe xxxxx_


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